Unstable Tower
By | Sep 23, 2009
It was reported yesterday that the tower in which the Anglican social justice commission works is unstable. It seems that Jolyon White, who works in the tower, has been drilling holes in the walls to retrieve minerals used in the construction. This behaviour has led to an instability that most scientists agree will ‘almost certianly’ result in collapse; however, there is disagreement about exactly when the collapse will occur. There are a few voices claiming that drilling can occur indefinitely without harm, but they are sounding increasingly silly.
“Those who will suffer most will be those upon whom the tower lands” one alarmist has claimed
Jolyon had this to say in response: “We know that it is not possible to drill holes indefinitely, but I am putting together an action plan that will allow me to drill holes in the foundations and supports in a sustainable way. Sustainability is very important to me. Did I mention sustainability? I am also going to give the interior of the room a nice new coat of green paint… sustainable.”
Structural experts have said that the number of holes in any structure of this sort must be kept below 350 per meter to prevent disaster. There will be a gathering of church leaders in November to discuss the practice. Jolyon will be attending as a representative of the Anglican Church. When asked what message he might be taking to the gathering he replied;
“While I appriciate that there are a number of interest groups who hold opinions about this subject it would not be financially responsible for us to stop drilling these holes. There would be quite an economic cost to preventing this tower falling on people. If we were to limit drilling to the levels that structural experts have suggested it will cost everyone in our congregations $450 by 2015. Instead we will limit our drilling to 500 holes per meter. The tower will still fall down, but it is financially more responsible.”
When pressed about the ‘financial responsibility’ of taking an action that ultimately wouldn’t fix the problem and would cost many millions more in the long run, not to mention lives, Jolyon used the following words: “sustainable, green, economy, growth, sustainable, responsibility, sustainable, and common sense.”
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Comments
Charlene
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Finally someone on this site is taking fiscal responsibility seriously.
Will Watterson
September 28th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Though the tower may collapse, it is important for the Church here in NZ to stay ahead of other international churches in the mineral drilling industry. Besides, churches in America and Europe have been drilling their towers for years.. why should we stop when they have had the benefit of an extra few decades of drilling? No, in the name of progress, drill on I say!
Jim Hunt
June 15th, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Do you know why we use the word “boring” about somethng that takes a long time and is not intersting? One suggstion is that it comes from the time when a certain English tree, which lasts a long time in water, was used for water conduits. It took a very long time to bore through the length of timber.